A TESTIMONY IN THREE PARTS – PART ONE
1985 is when I met the love of my life. Her name is Tina. We got married the following year in 1986. We talked about having kids and in 1991 we were excited to find out she was pregnant. I already had a son from my first marriage, Kris, so I was hoping to have a daughter one day, too. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage a couple months in. We were heartbroken.
In January of 1993 I found out I had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Thankfully the cancer was localized to one area at the time. My wife and I were still trying to have a baby before finding out the diagnosis – and mentioned this to my oncologist – who said that if we were going to try to have one, the timeframe would be limited before starting treatment. If we didn’t go ahead and try, we would have to wait without knowing how long it would be before we would have the green light to try again.
The Lord was looking out for us, because we found out my wife was pregnant again in February. We were overjoyed to find out some good news during a hard situation. I started radiation in March and a couple of months later I found a lump in my neck. After having a biopsy done on that area, they determined the cancer had spread. In June, I started my chemo regimen. I did a total of 6 treatments, 21 days apart. I finished my treatments in October. Then came November 3rd – we had a beautiful, healthy daughter who we named Melissa. I started to feel like I was getting closer to Christ during this time.
In 1995, I received devastating news. My cancer was back. I felt like my spiritual life with Jesus was in trouble after finding out the news. I was angry, and I was scared. I had to go through 6 more treatments of chemo, 21 days apart, just like before. By the time I was done with this treatment regimen, the cancer seemed to have disappeared. I seemed to be doing a lot better over the next few years, but now I struggled a lot more in my relationship with God. I tried doing different things to reconnect with Him, but nothing I tried seemed to be working.
In 2001, my wife, daughter, and I were on our yearly family vacation to Sanibel Island with my father-in-law and his wife. We had planned to stay for two weeks; but after our first week down there, my father-in-law had a massive heart attack. My daughter came running to find me to let me know something was wrong. My wife called 9-1-1 and I immediately started CPR after finding him unresponsive. His wife and I did our best to continue chest compressions while we waited for paramedics to arrive at the condo we were vacationing in. Sadly, he did not survive. I watched my father-in-law pass away right in front of me. I was heartbroken; and my wife, who was very close to her father, was devastated. This further pushed me away from wanting to have any type of relationship with God. In 2002, the cancer was determined to be completely gone. I was finally in remission.
Unfortunately, two years later – tragedy hit again. This brought out more anger towards God. October 4th, 2004, my wife – the love of my life – had a massive stroke. After being hospitalized and in a coma, she passed away on October 12th. I was so angry with God; I wanted nothing to do with Him. I refused to pray or acknowledge His existence. For the next 5 months, I wrestled and grieved her not being here anymore. With my thoughts being lost during this time, I almost forgot that I had a daughter and felt terrible about it, because she was grieving, too. She had lost her mother. I finally realized it was time to snap myself out of my grief and try to become the father I knew I needed to be. So, I managed to get myself through my grieving period. But I was still angry at God… (Editor’s Note: See 2 Timothy 2:1-13 – God remains faithful while we struggle; the choice is up to us!)