Jesus calls me His Warrior for Joy. Coming to this realization has been a process. All children of the Most High God share a common identity, just like siblings do; and each one has a unique personality and gifting. I want to share with you some of my joyful journey into this God-given identity.
The family and culture I grew up in communicated that being a deva would make me happy and successful. So the identity I inherited and sought for was in relation to physical beauty, social status, and the ability to make money. When I was in high school, I won the superlative of “Best Personality” and won the votes to be a Home Coming Princess. I felt like I was on my way to having a great life and achieving the American Dream!
While those things were true, being part of a church and having a spiritual life was important to me, too. I had decided to follow Jesus as a child, and walking with God meant a lot to me, even when other priorities put God in the back seat.
In my college group at church, I had my eye on Brett, the worship leader. Eventually, we started dating, and I accepted his marriage proposal. In those first years, he was a science teacher at a public high school. I was a young mom of four, working part-time. Brett was starting to feel called to the mission field, and I… was very happy where I was!
One day, at a missions conference, another man challenged my husband to pray about going to Africa. Brett began to research possibilities and became convinced this was what our family was supposed to do. Being the submissive wife I was, for three years I said, “No way.”
In His faithfulness, God continued to transform me – teaching me to let go of myself and choose Him. But when God Himself called me to Senegal, I still did not want to go. My closet conversation with God was, “I love my family, and they are all here. I don’t know the people in Senegal, and I don’t love them.” Then I clearly heard Him say to me, “But I love them, and you love Me.” At that point I said, in tears, “Yes, Lord, I will go – not because I love the people in Africa, but because I love you.”
Though moving overseas put me in a completely different lifestyle than I grew up with, I began to see it as the life God wanted for me. He used my former training as a special education teacher in California to touch the lives of other children needing quality special education in Africa. Working with people in another culture became a life-changing adventure. I started to experience a very different type of success and fulfillment. I realized my fulfillment and success were not about beauty, social status, and climbing the career ladder. My life was and is about the glory of God – instead of all about me. My identity is found in Him, and my gifting is used with Him, and for Him.
Walking with Jesus, I continue to learn that I find joy when I put Him on the throne, instead of seeking my own will. Many times, joy is something we have to fight for, which distinguishes it from happiness. As I continue to lay down my pride and my quest for self-fulfillment, I receive JOY in Jesus again and again – greater than anything the world has to offer.
When I was seeking happiness from the world, I was never satisfied. But in Jesus, my heart is satisfied!